"Do I even like him?" Why this dating question is catching on
A viral TikTok says women with their own careers and homes now ask "do I even like him?" instead of "will he choose me?" The video is opinion, but survey data on single adults and changing earnings points in a similar direction.
By The Savvy Rabbits Staff ·
✓Checked twice. Fact-checked against the original sources and approved by an editor. About our standards
A viral TikTok argues that many women with their own careers, homes and travel budgets have stopped asking "will he choose me?" and started asking "do I even like him?" That is one man's opinion, not a finding. But national survey data on single adults and on who earns what in couples points in a similar direction, and the question itself is a useful one for anyone dating.
What did the TikTok actually say?
The video was posted on October 15, 2026, and had passed 1.2 million views and 185,000 likes when the Daily Dot wrote about it on October 28. The creator said every woman he talks to has a career, pays for her own apartment, goes out to dinner with friends, pays for her own trips and keeps up her own hobbies. "Every single woman I speak with has a great career, has an apartment that they pay for," he said.
His argument was that this independence changes the question. Instead of hoping to be picked, he said, these women weigh whether they like a man at all and what kind of husband and father he would be. "They're wondering long term, is this even something that I wanna commit to?" He told men who want a good partner to work out their own answers to those questions.
The Daily Dot noted that it could not independently verify the video's claims. The video describes the women in one man's life. It is not a survey.
Is there evidence behind the idea?
Some, though none of it tests the video's claim directly.
Pew Research Center found that in July 2022, 42% of single Americans said they were looking for a committed relationship or casual dates, down from 49% in 2019. The gap by gender was large: 50% of single men were looking, compared with 35% of single women (Pew Research Center). In an earlier 2022 survey, among single adults who were not looking, 72% said enjoying being single was at least a minor reason, and 63% said they had more important priorities (Pew Research Center).
Priorities show up in the data too. In a 2023 Pew survey, 23% of adults said being married is extremely or very important for a fulfilling life, while 71% said the same about having a job or career they enjoy (Pew Research Center).
Has women's money really changed the picture?
Women's earning power has grown a lot within couples. In 1972, husbands were the sole or primary breadwinner in 85% of opposite-sex marriages. By 2022, that share was 55%. Marriages where husband and wife earn about the same rose from 11% to 29%, and wives were the sole or primary breadwinner in 16%, up from 5% in 1972 (Pew Research Center).
Old expectations have not fully caught up. In a 2017 Pew survey, 71% of adults said it is very important for a man to be able to support a family financially to be a good husband or partner. Only 32% said the same about a woman (Pew Research Center).
Research across countries offers a hint about why independence could change what people look for. A 2012 study in Psychological Science by Zentner and Mitura found that differences between what men and women want in a partner were smaller in countries with more gender equality (PubMed). That compares nations, not individual women, so it cannot explain any one person's choices.
What is opinion and what is evidence?
The opinion is the video's central claim: that women with careers and apartments now ask a different question on dates. Nobody has measured that.
The evidence is narrower. Fewer single women than single men say they are looking. Many singles who are not looking say they enjoy it. Wives bring in a much larger share of their marriage's earnings than they did 50 years ago. Those facts fit the TikTok's story, but they would also fit other explanations, such as burnout or simply having full lives.
How can someone ask the question calmly?
"Do I even like him?" works best as a check-in, not a verdict. A few plain questions can help after a date or two:
How did I feel afterward? Relaxed, curious and wanting to talk again, or tired and anxious about how it went?
What did I actually enjoy? Name a specific thing he said or did. If the only thing that comes to mind is relief that he seemed interested, notice that.
Am I picturing him, or a relationship? Wanting a partner and wanting this person are different.
Do our everyday lives fit? Think about how each of you spends time, money and weekends, and what each of you wants long term.
Would I tell a friend about this date with excitement, or with a list of excuses?
None of these has a right answer after one date. Liking someone can grow slowly. The point is to put your own reaction next to his, instead of only tracking his.
What is a sensible next step?
After the next date, take two minutes to write down one thing you enjoyed and one thing that gave you pause. Look at the notes together after a few dates and see which list is growing.
This article is educational and is not therapy or professional advice. If you are in an unsafe or abusive relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.
Sources
The Daily Dot, "Man Says Women With Successful Careers Are Asking What Kind of Husband a Man Will Be: 'Do I Even Like Him?'" (October 28, 2026): https://dailydot.com/tiktoker-says-women-with-careers-apartments-and-trips-of-their-own-now-ask-do-i-even-like-him
Pew Research Center, "For Valentine's Day, 5 facts about single Americans" (February 8, 2023): https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/
Pew Research Center, "For Valentine's Day, facts about marriage and dating in the U.S." (February 8, 2024): https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/02/08/for-valentines-day-facts-about-marriage-and-dating-in-the-us/
Pew Research Center, "Public Has Mixed Views on the Modern American Family," chapter 5, "What makes for a fulfilling life?" (September 14, 2023): https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/09/14/what-makes-for-a-fulfilling-life/
Pew Research Center, "In a Growing Share of U.S. Marriages, Husbands and Wives Earn About the Same" (April 13, 2023): https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/
Pew Research Center, "Americans see men as the financial providers, even as women's contributions grow" (September 20, 2017): https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2017/09/20/americans-see-men-as-the-financial-providers-even-as-womens-contributions-grow/
Zentner M, Mitura K, 2012, "Stepping out of the caveman's shadow: nations' gender gap predicts degree of sex differentiation in mate preferences," Psychological Science 23(10):1176-1185: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22933455/
Our columnists weigh in
Rosanna and Destiny are AI-created personas. These takes are opinion, not professional advice.
R
RosannaAI persona
The friend who tells you the truth
You are allowed to ask whether you like him. That is not being picky. That is paying attention. The part I'd push back on is the idea that you need a career and your own lease before the question counts. You were allowed to ask it the whole time. Here's what I'd tell you. If you leave every date replaying whether he liked you, and you can't remember one thing you enjoyed about him, that is your answer showing up early. Write down the three moments from the last date that felt good. If the list is empty, believe the list.
D
DestinyAI persona
The one who already knew
There is a quiet that settles over a woman when she stops auditioning. The video caught that shift, even if a man described it from the outside. She pays her own rent. She books her own trips. So the old question, will he choose me, loses its heat. What is left is sharper. Do I want this? Notice that the numbers in the article do not say women have given up on love. They say fewer single women than single men are out looking, and that many singles who are not looking enjoy being single. That is not a closed door. That is a woman standing in her own doorway, deciding who gets to come in.
The Savvy Rabbits Staff
Our editors' take
The article is careful to separate one man's TikTok from the data, and that separation matters. A video about the women he talks to is a sample of one person's social circle. The Pew figures are national surveys. They fit the story without proving it. The most interesting piece is the Zentner and Mitura study from 2012, which found that differences between what men and women want in a partner shrink in more gender-equal countries. That is a comparison between nations, not a measurement of any one woman's thinking, so it cannot tell you why a particular person is asking the question. We didn't find a study that tests the TikTok claim directly. The self-check at the end is useful precisely because it does not depend on that missing study.
